Thoughts – February 10th


I realize that I haven’t been spending quality time with myself. By that, I mean I haven’t taken care of myself both physically and emotionally. I have been suffering from mild depression and major anxiety since the time I came back from my very long four months vacation which was nothing less than incredible. It’s been a month and a half since I got back and I haven’t been happy. When I ask myself why, the only answer I could come up with is that I’m lonely and homesick. Due to this, my sleeping pattern has been haywire, so has my eating habits. Nevertheless, I try to cope with it to keep me a little sane. 
After crying myself to sleep last night, I decided to wake up today and treat myself and my mind with a movie. I woke up, I dressed up, and I took a walk to the theater near my home and I bought a ticket to watch ’50 Shades Darker’. It’s a book I’ve read and I’ve also watched the first sequal. As usual, I still do not approve of the casts they’ve chosen nor do I like the way it was directed but I am pleased to say that this movie is far better than the first sequal. There were more intense scenes which captivated the audience, there were more dialogues that was scripted well, and the whole movie flowed way better than the first. Not to mention, the background music for both the movies did justice to each storyboard. For some reason however, I feel like Eric Johnson would have been a much better actor than Jamie Dornan for the character of Christian Grey. 

I also realized that it’s YOU who is incharge of your feelings. Many people can give you the support and motivation that you need, but if you’re not willing to change yourself to feel/do better, then the changes are not going to happen. I have decided to take control over my thoughts one day at a time before it consumes the whole of me. I do not want that to happen so I’m going to learn to keep my mind as positive as possible. Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of practice and patience and determination. I know this because I’m suffering from it and it’s not easy. There will still be some days when you’ll wake up with a panic attack, where your heart beat frantically rises and you’re trying so hard to stop your thoughts and days when your mind battles with itself and you cry yourself to sleep. There will always be those days coming at you, it is you who’s in power to change how you react to it. I have taken a step to change for the betterment today. I shall continue to do and I will continue to track my progress. As far as I’m concerned, talking to someone about your problem helps. Make sure to seek someone who understands you and make sure to seek someone who you’re comfortable with. 

Till next time,

D

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